Finding Hope in the Mess: A Thanksgiving Reflection
As we approach Thanksgiving, a time traditionally filled with family gatherings, festive meals, and expressions of gratitude, many of us find ourselves grappling with a complex mix of emotions. For many folks in the U.S., this week involves gatherings of loved, hated, tolerated, estranged, adored, and a wider range of birth families, chosen families, and friends. Sweet potatoes, yams, mashed potatoes, green bean casseroles, cranberry sauces (canned or homemade relish), turkeys, tofurkeys, ham, pumpkin pie, pecan pie, more more more weighs down tables all across the nation. Folks tune into the Macy's Day Parade or football games or strategize holiday shopping.
And the goal is to give thanks.
This year, the weight of our national climate – far beyond just politics – has left many feeling overwhelmed and struggling to find reasons for thankfulness. But sometimes, hope appears in the most unexpected places.
For the past five days, I've been knee-deep in cleaning out my deceased mother-in-law and brother-in-law’s house. To call it a "hoarder house" would be an understatement. Stacked to the ceilings with literal garbage, the house presented a daunting challenge; we changed our attack plans often. As I began clearing the space with my spouse and a family friend, we encountered the expected – Pepsi bottles filled with urine, floors caked in cat feces, used adult diapers, and mountains of trash. But amid this sea of waste, we stumbled upon unexpected treasures: a stack of against-all-odds preserved photographs going back to great-grandparents; original Star Wars figures; delicate glassware. We learned that as we lifted each shovel of detritus, we had to sift through it with a gloved hand because we might find a class ring or a rare platinum diamond ring. These discoveries sparked something within me.
As I unearthed each item, memories of my late mother-in-law and brother-in-law came to life around me—almost like a magic lantern of memories. I remembered their passions, their quirks, the things that brought them joy. I found myself wanting to share these finds with them, as if they were still here. Oddly enough, this made them feel more alive to me, more present, more timeless. I even talked to them—which is not a practice I undertake—talking to the dead—but I had some long conversations with them.
Just as I discovered glimmers of beauty and value amid and underneath and behind literal shit, we can seek out and cherish the positive aspects of our lives and our world, even when they seem buried beneath layers of WTF. I am no Pollyanna, nowhere near an optimist, but for now, I am focused on the small, the glitters, the memories. I will be driving the 300+ miles home tomorrow, car packed full of tangible memories, and I will express gratitude for being able to just think about driving and nothing else for a day.
As families and friends across the nation gather this week, tables groaning under the weight of traditional dishes and modern alternatives, it's worth remembering that gratitude isn't about ignoring the difficult parts of life. Instead, it's about acknowledging the whole picture – the challenges and the blessings – and choosing to focus on the good. If you celebrate Thanksgiving, as you navigate family dynamics, watch the Macy's Day Parade, cheer for your favorite football team, or plan your Black Friday/Small Business Saturday strategy, I encourage you to look for your own glimmers of hope. They might be hiding in unexpected places, but they're there – waiting to be discovered, appreciated, and shared.
In a world that often feels overwhelming, remember that hope can be found even in the messiest of circumstances. Sometimes, we just need to dig a little deeper.
